Planning for Little Dude's Third

If there's one thing I realized about having a child born on the early part of the year, that is how challenging it would be to plan birthday parties every single time. 

You see, Marcus was born on January 6th - that's about two weeks after christmas and less than a week after new year (then there's also his papsy's birthday on the 30th of December and the annual stressful year-end closing at work!).  That means all the holidays and merry-making are just about done by the time of his birthday.  The difficult side of this are:

1. Party planning adds to all the holiday rush, as if all the christmas shopping, gift wrapping, attending and arranging parties left and right, menu preparations, etc. aren't enough 
2. Non-working holidays cause some some period of downtime in terms of coordinating with suppliers who may also be on vacation
3. Bonuses have just been given out towards the end of the year and therefore people are broke by the early start of the year (well at least for me!) and so if not planned early, budget becomes a constraint

When I look back at the little dude's first birthday, I couldn't help but feel a little regret for not having been able to make it as "grand" as I hoped it to be because of lack of preparation.  By mid-December, the only thing final was the venue, caterer (without menu yet!), and McDonald's.  A few days before, I still didn't have cake, entertainment, or matching outfits for the three of us.  Oh my, just enumerating all these things is making me sad.  For an HR person like me who is so used to organizing company events, this is so... bad!  Tsk tsk.

Skinny little dude with kid Mcdo on his (bordering disastrous) first birthday

That's why I learned my lesson.  As early as now, I'm starting to plan for Marcus' third birthday party.  For a the-works party, this is still late but since I'm just thinking of a simple celebration at his toddler school, I think the timing is just right.  As I write this post, I am making a list of the things that need to be taken care of for the party - food, decorations, entertainment, and favors.  My target is to have everything polished before christmas, which is 60 days to go.  Wish me luck!

Testing...

Because I have a bazillion things I'd like to blog about,

Because I do not have enough time to boot up my laptop before the little dude comes banging on the keyboard,

Because I want to post a lot of random stuff as it happens...

I downloaded the Bloggerdroid app! I'm actually using it now. Hihi. Crossing my fingers that I can post as often as I would like to.  No more excuses. :)

Not for Hubby!

If you're my husband, please stop reading NOW.  I am 101% sure you will not be happy to see this article again. 

It's a piece I wrote on the same day I got my heart broken when I decided to cut all ties, put a closure, and move on from an ex-boyfriend.  That was almost 10 years ago! I just chanced upon this while cleaning up my inbox and thought of sharing it again, because it made me look back at how brave (naks!) I'd been.  This used to be published in peyups.com with an alias so for those of you who have read this before but never knew who wrote it, this is a revelation.  Hahaha!

The Closure

I couldn’t believe it.  I was sitting there, right next to the love of my life.  We were at Starbucks, not daring to say a word.  I don’t know if I was just trying to hold back the tears, or there just weren’t any tears to fall, or I just psyched myself that I won’t cry.  He, on the other hand, was finishing his nth cigarette since we got there.

Earlier, he asked me why I wanted to see him.  I just handed him an envelope.  He said, “Baka maiyak ako dito ah!”  (He thought it was my wedding invitation.)  I said, “Hindi yan invitation.  Later mo na lang basahin ok?”  But he still opened the envelope anyway, and before I could say anything else, the golden ring fell from the white stationery.  He just looked at me and said, “Sabi ko na nga ba eh.”  For a second there, I thought the world stopped.  I can still remember the way he looked at me when he saw the ring.  Not exactly teary-eyed, but surprised, I guess? Or sad? Or just plain…uhm, blank?  I couldn’t tell.  All I could remember was the look.  It was different.  The one I’d remember for the rest of my life.

It was the ring he gave me the day after my eighteenth birthday.  (It was actually a wedding ring.  He said his mother bought it for him, for the girl he would love forever.)  Along with that special ring is the promise that well, someday, we’ll end up with each other and we would tell our grandchildren about our love story.  From that time on, we were officially a “we”.  We were best friends in high school who couldn’t exactly define our relationship, although we both knew we loved each other.  Until that day. 

But for some insane reason I couldn’t even remember, we broke up after a few months.  And things were never the same.  We weren’t “best buds” (as we would call each other) anymore.   There were no more late night telebabads, or hi-hello-what’s-up texts.  Nothing.  Well, except for the birthday greetings and the exchange of Merry Christmas and Happy New Year’s.  Oh, and the 2 or 3 times he called me at 3 or 4 in the morning and said “I love you”.  (How weird can he get?).  Oh, and the other time he was crying at the other end of the phone line, “Nasa ‘yo pa ba yung ring na binigay ko sa ‘yo dati?  Itago mo ‘yon ha?  Kasi someday isusuot ko ulit sa ‘yo ‘yun, sa harap ng maraming tao, habang kumakanta ‘yung children’s choir…  Maglalakad ka sa aisle, tapos hihintayin kita sa kabila.”  I found myself crying too after that.

Between birthdays and Christmases, when we had no contact whatsoever, I was living my life.  (Or so I thought.  At least I tried.)  I engaged myself in every activity in school there is.  People would compliment me, that I am so independent, so “strong”, the “sorry-you’re-not-good-enough-for-me” type.  (Or was it just an act?)  I would occasionally hear from friends that he has a new girl.  I’d just shrug it off like it’s no big deal and assure them that I am so better off without him, that I am so over “that jerk”.  I just couldn’t let them see that I was swallowed by my own emptiness.  But at night, just when I was sure nobody would hear me, I would still cry. Bitterly.  

I must admit I got stuck.  Amidst all the endless speeches about being “happy on my own”, “letting go and moving on”, and the other okay-keep-telling-yourself-that conversations with my friends, the girl inside was still hoping.  That someday, somehow, she and the love of her life would still have a chance.  I led myself to believe that he IS the one, and that we’re just taking our time but eventually will realize we belong together.    

And then, somewhere between the wishful thinking and the slap of reality, I just decided I’ve had enough.  I know it’s long overdue, but it’s about time I “leave everything behind”.  After all, it’s been four long years.  I had the longing to “feel whole again”.  I convinced myself the right thing to do was to finally end what should’ve ended a long time ago.  (Technically speaking, it WAS over, but for me, it never was.)  I realized that in order for me to really, really go on with my life, I had to free myself from the “holding on” I’ve been doing over the years.  Maybe a “closure” was all I needed.  As in totally and completely conclude our so-called love tale.  And that’s why I was there.

After what seemed like eternity, I gathered up some courage and said, “Hindi ata para sa kin ‘yan eh.”  With the unidentified expression on his face, he asked, “Kelan mo naisip yan?”  This time I was sure I was trying with all my might to prevent the tears from falling.  My voice was cracking.  “Dati pa.  Hindi ko lang matanggap.”  Another long silence followed.  N minutes later, I found myself saying, “Alam mo kung ano’ng naisip kong gawin dyan?  Ipa-tunaw mo na lang tapos ipagawa mong dalawa.  Para tig-isa kayo.”  I was struggling to project the “I’m okay” image.  He just looked away.  What a stupid thing to say.  But I didn’t care.  That was what I was planning to do “when we get back together someday”.

We finished our coffee and I took him home.  Just like that.  He didn’t say anything.  He just sat there.  When he got off the car, while he gave me the directions back to my house, I couldn’t help but stare at him.  This might be the last time I’ll ever see him again.  This is it.  This IS the end.  What the hell, I did what I had to do, right?

I said “thank you” and slowly drove away.  I couldn’t help but feel sad when I looked in the rear view mirror and caught him just as he was walking back to his house.  He was gone.  I know I have to but it may take some time before I could wholeheartedly get myself to wish him happiness.  With the girl he’ll be marrying soon.

***I just felt like writing.  So forgive me for any grammatical blunders.  This is for my friends who shared with me that one night.  - Anonymous

Quick Inspiration

One of my good friends here in the office recently left for another company.  He sent me a short note on his last day and I couldn't help but smile when I read it.

just wanna express my gratitude for being such a miss insightful! i envy you because you cant help but be so nice all the time. you are such a good-find-of-a-friend, im so blessed. carry on and take heed of your aspirations. i know that somewhere out there, opportunity beckons.

It's really nice to hear (good) feedback on how you are viewed by others and how they genuinely wish nothing but the best for you.  Sigh.  This made me feel pleased with myself for a moment there.  I must be doing something good out of my life!  Recently, however, I feel like I want so much more, particularly to enrich my family life and my womanhood.  I hope and pray that God leads me to the discovery of my ultimate purpose soon.

Lex - A Car Story

Last Saturday night, I was on the phone with my mom when suddenly the call got cut.  At first I thought it was the usual connection problem so I called again.  By this time it was my dad who picked up the phone, and all he said was, "Nabangga kami." and the line got cut again.  Imagine my praning moment right there!

It turned out a truck hit them at the back which caused them to lurch forward, hitting three other cars ahead.  In short, our car was sandwiched and wrecked right there.  It was a blessing that my parents weren't hurt at all, not even a bruise (Thank you, Lord!), but I couldn't help but feel a little sad.

Whoa!  Poor car! :(

You see, that used to be my car.  It's an old Lancer GLXI.  My parents bought that for me when I was 4th year in college with the money that was supposed to be for my college insurance fund (which I never got to use). I was the one who named it Lex.

It's what I used when I was finally allowed to drive on my own going to UP.  It was the car I drove to Manila Hotel for our graduation ball and after-party.  It was witness to my first MMDA ticket. It's "him" (yes, I'd like to think it's a guy) with whom I experienced a flat tire and an overheat that I had to stop by a gas station to ask for help.  It's the one I used to drive to my ex-boyfriend's place just to put a closure to our on-and-off-it's-complicated relationship.  It was the car I bumped in my attempt to go around Morayta during our board exam review.  It was my ride to and from the office on my first job in Cavite.  It was hubby and I's date car on our Tagaytay trips. Aaaaaaww.. so many memories with my Lexie boy!

Thanks, Lex, for the places you took me to.   Will you be in car heaven soon?  I may have not taken very good care of you but I will miss seeing you in my parents' garage.  :(

Little Dude Goes to BRC

One of the two long weekends last August (couldn't remember which one), Jax, Marcus, and I drove to Batangas to go to BRC - as in Batangas Racing Circuit.  It was actually just hubby who was supposed to go but I got surprised when I asked him if we could tag along, he said yes.  Para naman daw our little dude would remember his dad as the racer. (Whatever! *This is me not so much a fan of the husband's car racing hobby*)

The reason for us going there was for an event sponsored by Jax's car club, MLPH.  It was I think their 99th GEB. 

Ok, let's do a photoblog.

That's hubby giving a lecture on safety driving and tips on how to get the best possible time inside the track

Here's my pa-bida son who was distracting his dad's lecture!

Little dude feeling like he was one of the big guys who were taking care of event logistics

So gwapo my little big boy!

"Daddy, someday I wanna race too!" *mommy faints*

Our friends for the day.  We just stayed in the air-conditioned room overlooking the tracks as the paddocks weren't exactly child-friendly

Playing with the pylon.  Can you imagine how kulit he is?

Highlight of my day (hihi) - a photo with Ramon Bautista, who also happens to be an MLPH member

A few months ago, Jax said we should do the things we used to do when we were still just boyfriend-girlfriend, and one of my girlfriend/fiancee duties back then was to be with him on his slalom or circuit races.  I must admit it was refreshing to go back to the stuff we always did before.  I remember we would travel to as far as Subic on successive weekends and end up riding a tow truck on our way back to Manila because then-boyfriend's car broke down!  I think this experience was a good reminder of how we spent at least 2 years of our relationship just having fun and wasting money before we got married.

This is far different now because I have to chase around a very active little dude but hopefully, when Marcus is bigger, we could go with his dad more frequently.  I'm not saying I'm tolerating the daddy's addiction to car racing, but I think it would still be cool to have a family bonding activity, especially one that Jax would extremely enjoy, like this once in a while.

Ok ba, dad? ;)

Random Blabbing/Stressing

It's the first day of the workweek and already I feel tired. Sigh.  There's so much to do in the office but I also have personal stuff lined up this week!

1. First, it's hubby's birthday on Wednesday.  He just told me yesterday that he wanted to bring homemade burritos at work, which means I have to spare some time to cook (pressure!!!) tonight. I'm not an expert at these things so I totally have to make sure I don't do anything to jeopardize my husband's career. Lol!
2. I have a training program to run tomorrow, and everytime I have such, I stress about it and study my deck over and over.  
3. I still do not have a gift for my birthday boy!  I have lists in my head but I never really got to buying them because (1) I can't seem to buy the right sizes, (2) Jax is such a picky gift recipient (rolling eyes), and (3) I just didn't have the time.
4. Have to do some research about a project hubby and I are trying to get our noses into.

Well.. well.. hope to get all the energy I need.  Have a great week ahead, everyone!

Now, let's go make these things happen.. in 4...3...2...1... baboosh! :)