Lately, I've been starting to fancy another mom blog, From Stilletos to Ballet Flats and it made me reflect on how ready I am (or will ever be) for another baby. I have another friend who I just learned is also pregnant and somehow the thought of little dude being bigger kuya dude is making me wonder.
No, I don't think I am ready now - physically because I am still enjoying my sexy body (Haha! I have only lost all my preggy weight now so pagbigyan nyo na ko!) and financially (I think this is hubby's major concern). But more importantly, I feel like I am not yet ready to "share" the love I have for Marcus with another baby. At least not now, that is.
I know when we have another one it doesn't mean that the love will have to be split between them but rather there will be so much more. However, I have this theory that no matter how parents say they love all their kids equally, there will still be that slight preference, kahit 0.00001%. And that's what's making me a little sad. Or maybe the more appropriate word is scared? That I won't be able to divide my affection & attention equally and then end up being a "bad" mom to the other kid(s)' eyes? Oooooh the fact that I am thinking about all these things just goes to show how not ready I am! And the last thing I want is for in the future (possibly) a growing baby in my tummy to feel unwanted.
So am I ever gonna have baby # 2? Well, it really depends on God's plan. If it were only up to me though, I wouldn't want to give birth anymore by the time I'm 35, which is only three years from now. Bahala na si Lord to plant love and readiness in my heart when the time comes if ever. For now, I am really just enjoying being with my little dude. :)
PS And who am I to even think of having another baby when I'm sure the hubby just shudders at the thought? Hahaha!
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